


System Malfunction

by Shoutandscreamy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Generic "The Scientist" theme, M/M, Mentioned AR, Mentioned Hal, Mentioned Karkat Vantas, Mentioned Lil Hal, Mentioned Roxy Lalonde - Freeform, Sadstuck, bring on the pain, implied davekat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 16:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12868926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shoutandscreamy/pseuds/Shoutandscreamy
Summary: Dirk is having some struggles coping with the break-up even after the game. He goes on a whim and tries to glue the pieces back together with Jake. But, it doesn't end as well as he hoped. Dirk isn't the only one struggling and Jake is fairly unsure what to do with the left over pieces.





	System Malfunction

**Author's Note:**

> Just prepare to get your heart ripped out. Like everybody on Tumblr, I got inspired to write it based off of my boi Coldplay's "The Scientist". You'll see the theme as you progress. Enjoy! Or, not. I don't care either way. This is for..."fun". 

        You wouldn't say you planned to get yourself in this position. You more so had an idea and decided to act on it by impulse rather than thinking it through like a reasonable human being. This idea, somehow sounding good at the time you had it, forced you to get out of bed one late afternoon, put on your clothes, and march your somewhat large feet to the door step of your ex-boyfriend's house. You stand now, frozen with the terrifying realization that you haven't the slightest clue what you're going to say or do, in front of a wooden door with little chips and scratches in it and the cutest doorbell to the right and slight above the door nob.

          _Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry._

          You know what happened. You didn't get out of bed that morning and you refused to move until it was dinner time. You skipped meals and bathroom breaks and you refused to admit it was your depression that was encouraging you to do this. You hadn't seen or heard from Jake for a while and for an unbeknownst reason, it hit you hard that day. Roxy, your loyal friend who deals with your bullshit on the daily, advised that you do something more with your life instead of mope around.

          So you said, "Yeah! I'll do more than just mope around. I'll let loose and do something stupid like show up at my ex-boyfriends house and confess my undying love for him. I'll beg him to take me back and it'll all be fine!" And you gave yourself a hive five and out the door you went.

           You never wanted to clone yourself for the sole purpose of beating the shit out of yourself until now.

           You figure that there's no way out here. If you leave right now, Jake might notice and chase after you. That, or it will just put a further dent in your nonexistent relationship because you will, once again, disappoint him for not having the balls to just talk to him. In your defense, he hasn't done much to help the awkwardness, but this isn't the time to start pointing fingers because you're still rocking on your feet, trying to figure out what the fuck to-

          Oh, and the door is open. You didn't even have to try. Cool. There's step one down.

          "Strider, is there a reason you've been standing at my door for seven minutes?"

          He timed you. Which makes you look even stupider than you are. Off to great start.

          Jake stands in his doorway, half way out of it. He clearly hasn't been out of bed much either. His hair is tousled and uncombed. His eyes of a forest showed tiredness and slight irritability. His clothes were nothing more than a white shirt and grey sweatpants. Funny, you could have sworn you had a pair just like that.

          "Is this a bad time?" You speak hesitantly. You watch Jake shift in his spot, opening his door slightly more and leaning against the frame. You can see his full body now, including how his pants seems just a little too long for his height.

          "It's as good of a time as any." He answers, his voice already thin of patience. You feel you stomach twist painfully. You're all too tempted to tell him to forget it and leave with a healthy dose of shame. "What is it?"

          "I'm sorry," You blurt. It's so sudden and strained, that even Jake's eyes light up with shock and vague curiosity. He swallows audibly and he doesn't say anything this time. It's clear that he's waiting for you to continue. He wants the full apology. You know that. You just don't know how to put it quite yet and you're really feeling the effects of what it's like to come unprepared.

           _You don't know how lovely you are._

        "I'm sorry," you repeat, "for everything. For pressuring you. For saying mean and stupid shit when you didn't deserve it. For trying to change who you are because honestly, I don't know who I think I am to stop Jake English from doing the things he loves. I'm sorry for being snippy at you whenever you would come home, a-and not giving you what you needed when you needed it. I'm sorry for being selfish and wrong. This space between up is killing me, Jake, and I want you to know that there isn't a single hour that passes where I don't regret every single time I bitched at you for simply just being-!" You find yourself gasping for air, choking on a sob that's been threatening to bubble in your throat since you got here.

           _I had to find you, Tell you I need you,_

         You see Jake's mouth open and fear takes over your senses. You can't let him speak until you're done. You started confessing and now you have to finish it. You interrupt him before a noise could slip past his lips, "And I miss you. God, I miss you. I miss your laugh and your smile and how you only smiled so brightly at me. I miss you dragging my ass up giant hills and even though I would complain the whole time, I secretly loved it because anywhere with you is paradise. Even Hell. I don't know what to do without you anymore. I've been spending my time alone in my home, bonding with gears and wires because everybody has a somebody now. And my somebody is off showing up on commercials and changed his chumhandle so I can't bother him. But I want to. Even more so, I want him to bother me everyday, morning and night, like we used to because those were the happiest days of my life."

           _Tell you I set you apart._

          You're panting now. Jake is staring at you and you can't read his face. You're emotions are clouding your ability to see his. All you can do is hope that he doesn't slam the door in your face for being so ridiculous. You really came here on good intentions and the last thing you want to do is piss him off.

          He doesn't move for a long time and it makes you want to fidget. You wish you knew what is going on in his head. It kills you that he not saying anything. You just poured your heart out to him and he's just grinding his teeth like he's frustrated you haven't tried to walk away yet. You're feet take a step back and it seems to jump start him. He takes a shaky inhale before opening his door further. He licks his lips and utters out brokenly, "Come in for a jiffy, would you?"

           _Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions._

         Jake's home isn't neat by any means but it's not as clustered as yours. You place is scattered with scraps of metal and useless wire that you don't know where they accumulated from. Your place looks like the aftermath of a hurricane. Jake's looks like he's just been to a shit ton of cool places and stored the memories in mementos and souvenirs. It looks perfectly messy to you. Just like his hair.

          You sit on his couch as he directs you to it and he tells you he'll be right back. You aren't sure how to feel about being in his home. You've never actually been here before and for so long you dreamed of it. It's nothing what you expected it and you're kinda glad. Jake always exceeds your expectations one way or another. It's one of the many things you absolutely love about him. You pick at a hole in your pants while you wait for your ex to make another appearance. You wonder what he's doing.

          When he comes back, it painfully answers your question. His eyes were suddenly redder and his breathing was a lot more unstable. You notice a slight shake in his movements when he sits down and you can just barely find traces of wetness still left on his cheeks. You're back at not knowing what to say or do.

          "Do you still love me?" Jake croaks. You feel your heart start to break because you never liked sadness on his features. You hate yourself even more for causing it.           "Is that really still a question?" Comes your answer.

          "In your rambling you told me you were sorry," he holds up a finger. "You missed me," he holds up another, "you needed me, and that you regret splitting up." There's a total of four fingers. You decide not to question until he's finished talking. He wiggles his thumb, looking down on it with an inmeasurable amount of despair. "But not once did you tell you me how much you loved me. You said all the right things, expect for the most important one."

           _Oh, let's go back to the start_.

          Jake sends you home. He told you that he wasn't sure you were thinking clearly and, quite frankly, if he could handle you at the present time. He apologized for wasting your time and said he'd consider keeping touch. In other words: he shattered whatever heart you had left. You decide, based off recent events, that you aren't leaving your bed next time- if at all.

          And that exactly what you do.

          For a week.

          And for a fucking week, all you can do is lie in bed, dreaming about how the man you failed to show love to ripped your heart of your chest and stomped on it. You struggle to get your head of the gutter when everything physically hurts. You can barely talk to your best friend right now, and it's all his fault. If maybe he tired to be just a little understanding to your situation, things could be different. If he just thought about like you did, you two could work and be happy. No, it's all your fault because you got your hopes up too high.

          Hope's a bitch.

          _Running in circles, coming up tails, heads on a science apart._

        Around the end of your misery week, you work up the energy to shower because you realized about an hour ago you smell like ass. It's not as if you're really getting cleaned up for anything or anybody but someone that shares your last name and happens to be three years younger than you once told you that self care is important. Though the context was something completely different, you thought it as a good of a reason as any to apply now.  You'll take any excuse to be less pathetic at this rate.

          Your shower is disappointing to say the least. It was working the last time you had miserably washed in it but, for whatever reason, the pressure gave up on you the same way your will to care did. It became this sad trickle of disappoint, but your hair is already half wet and you need to finish the one goal you set today. You decide that it's worth an hour of wasting hot water to do something productive with your time.

          After you get out of your shower, you dress in clean clothes. You put on some actual pants and your comfort Rainbow Dash shirt. After hugging yourself for another twenty minutes with wet hair dripping on your shoulders, you work on getting your home cleaned up. You pick up the scraps and organize your wires. In the dissipating mess, you notice an unfinished exo-skeleton laying lifelessly in the corner. You're reminded of the promise you have made your A.I. and how damn patient he's been waiting for it. You aren't sure if you have the strength to start that project again.

           _Nobody said it was easy._

        Dave is the first to force you outside. After being radio silent for a week and a half, he decided you are full of shit and you need to be around people more if you're ever going to survive in this world. It takes a lot of pillow slaps and physically dragging you around your house to get anything out of you. You move slowly to get your clothes on and your brother, as lovely as he is, isn't helping with the shouts of encouragement. You tell him that no matter how many times you hear a "Let's go!" and "Come on, now!" and "Hurry the fuck up!", you aren't moving faster that your slow ass pace. Your limbs feel like cement and you honestly would much rather be in your bed then deal with this interaction.

          But you guess that why Dave is here in the first place.

          "Dave, is he ready yet? Kanaya is asking." The gravely voice invites itself into your humble abode and you finish buttoning your pants. You eyes look for the troll until they land on the couple. Karkat looks at you and you... don't like it. You sense pity and sympathy. It doesn't sit well with your stomach.

          "Fuck it, I'm not going anywhere." You state, making your way back to your bed.

          "Dude, fuck- you were so close. You need this-"

          Something snaps inside of you. You aren't sure what flares the sudden angry words in your throat but you don't have control of it. You face Dave and you yell, "No! I don't! I don't need to be surrounded by a bunch of happy couples while the one person I actually want to be with doesn't want anything to do with me! So, thank you, for your charity but I don't want it. I'll get out in my own time. But hey, if you two happen to break up any time soon, hit me up. Maybe then we can actually talk about how easy  it is to get up every day."

         _It's such a shame for us to part._

          You don't see Dave anymore. You don't see much of anyone, really. Roxy and Dave check in with you occasionally to make sure you're still alive. Hal helps you respond a lot of the time. You feel bad that you don't talk to them much at all sometimes. You don't think they deserve that treatment but you're really just too amazing at pushing people away. If this shit was a sport, you'd win first prize.

          Hal also helps you with motivation. He wakes you up at six am and tries to get you asleep by ten pm. Eventually, it works. He's set alarms to eat to keep you on track and he tries to keep your mind off your life. It doesn't always work and you definitely have bad days, but the previous mentioned project has started up again and you and Hal call that progress. Everyday is still basically painful to get through, but at least you're  working through it besides drawing a bath, throwing a toaster in, and chucking your own body after it.

          You're beginning to remember what it felt like to live in the middle of the ocean.

           _Nobody said it was easy._

         The longer you spend your time alone, the harder loneliness hits. As if it wasn't hard before, it really gets you now. You spend more time in your headphones now and online ordering supplies, rather than going out to get them yourself. You talk to Hal a lot. He's ecstatic to see you working again and he won't stop talking about what he'll do when he has his own body. You find it amusing because he thinks he's quitting his job as your A.R.

        You've just barely completed the robotic skeleton and you're starting to lace electricity through it. You remember where your collection of wires come from now. You hate to even think it but you almost can't complain about your misery. It gives you a bitter nostalgia that you can't really get angry with. This is the most robotic work you've done in months. It's like you've found your roots again, even if you're constantly battling thoughts of your loved ones.

           _No one ever said it would be this hard._

          One late night, you cave. Only a little bit, but you give into your desire and allow yourself the slightest bit of pleasure.

          You never knew how happy you could make a small, sober blonde with one message.

           _Oh, take me back to the start._

        You think you like the beach. The sand up your ass crack isn't your favorite. The warm sand, though, makes up for you. You like the way it heats your toes when your curl them into it. You enjoy the of the sun surrounding you (with a pound of sunblock lathered over your body). You enjoy tracing patterns in the sand with your fingers and moving it around in your hands. It's a lot more relaxing that you thought it would be.

          But your favorite part?

          The ocean. You don't quite miss getting into it, but the sound. Oh, that beautiful sound. You can listen to it all day. It's your favorite sound in the universe and you're so glad you live by it again.

           _I was just guessing,_

         You've only lived in your new house for about a week. After being a hermit crab for roughly a month, Dave decided he wasn't finished with you yet. He talked to his buddy The Mayor, and got a bunch of friends together to build you something you would appreciate. It took about another month to finish but there's no room to complain because without all the helping hands, it would have taken a lot longer time to complete. Dave made your life the minute he gave you your early birthday present.

         _At numbers and figures,_

         "Dirk," he said. "Dirk fucking Strider, guess who you love."

          "To whom do I owe my affections to?" You responded, still face planted into your pillow because you were sleeping before the kid put an air horn to your ear and told you to listen up.

          "You're favorite little brother."

          You hummed, "I'm pretty sure I don't have one."

          "A favorite?"

          "No, a little brother." 

          "You're an ass." Dave snorted, pushing you to your side forcefully. Granted, you didn't actually provide resistance, but you still found it rude to keep you from suffocating yourself with your pillow case without your consent. "You're listening, right? Because I'm about to deliver the best birthday present you've ever gotten in your life. This shit will make Santa look bad. Are you ready for this?"

          "I'm not really sure anymore."

          "Shut your mouth and answer my question."

          "Your sentence contradicts itself. I can't be silent and answer at the same time."

          "Hey, smartass, you have a neck and head. There's this really cool thing called nodding and you do it by using muscles and joints in your neck. I have shades, but I'm not blind. It's a yes or no question and I'm pretty sure you aren't asleep anymore. I'll ask you again. Are you fucking ready, Dirk Clementine Strider?"

          You nodded.

          "You're moving."

          "Since when? To where?"

          "Since now. To The beach."

           You paused before arguing, "Dave, there's almost no civilization in that area. I can't just move there." 

          "You can and you will because I did not just bust my ass for thirty days making you a fancy as fuck house right next to the ocean to lift your grossly droopy spirits."

           It took you a moment to realize what he said. You haven't stopped thanking him since.

            _Pulling the puzzles apart._

           Yeah, you like the beach. You're never moving again.

           _Questions of science,_

          Summer is ending now. Summer here lasted around three to fourth months. Which means it's been four months since you've talked to Jake last. You wish you had the courage to talk to him, or try to find him at a social gathering, but you still don't go to those and you would much rather sit on your roof and watch the sun set.

          You review over your last few months and you guess you haven't done much with your life. You're progressing years in your life and the only thing you can really say you've accomplished since the game ended is Hal's robotic body- which, by the way, should be completely done in a matter of weeks. You've been slaving to get this model perfect. Though, you're still working on a few glitching in the wiring and programming. Hal's been getting really antsy with you. You let it go because you're just as excited to see it done. It'll feel really good when it's fully operational.

          You sigh softly, leaning back on your hands as the sun disappears over the horizon. You will never get used to that view. But, it's going to get cold soon and you rented a new movie to watch. You climb off the roof and land on your porch easily. You brush your clothes off and open your door.

          "Dirk!" Your name stops you from stepping inside. Oh, how you wish you could just pretend you knew more than one man with that accent.

           _Science and progress,_

          You decide not to be a dick and invite Jake into your home. He looks like he's been running for a long time and you really didn't know how to turn down a sweaty, buff, British boy. You tell him to excuse the mess of your abode and get him some water so you can have a chance at catching his breath. Dear Lord, he was making you dizzy and you could breathe just fine.

          Though, that could always be because of his musk too.

         "What brings you in this neck of the woods?' You question flatly and Jake finishes the glass of water in seconds.

          "You," He huffs, "actually. I just don't have an alternate mode of transportation. Crimeney, do you mind if I-" He gestures to his disconnected button shirt.

          "If you're suggesting that I'll be uncomfortable seeing you in a tank top, the answer is no. I don't mind."

          "Thank you, chum." He takes it off. You immediately regret telling him it was okay. It's not okay a single bit. Jake's not allowed to be in a tank top for as long as he's attractive. Unfortunately, you doubt that will really change. Ever. Oh well. Guess you'll drown in eye candy.

          "So, as you were saying?"

          "Right," Jake puts the glass down. He pauses for a moment, looking over you. He must notice the slight changes in your body. You've been working out more in your free time and a lot of it as been in the sun. You're more tan now and your freckles are coming out again. You know you've lost some weight and it makes you look slightly awkward because you replaced it with muscle mass. You can't tell if Jake likes it for now. He clears his throat, "I was thinking it would be a bit of an idea stealer to run to you and go on a ramble about how much I care for you and such. So I won't do that. I just ran forever and a half to tell you I'm sorry as well."

          You do nothing but raise your eyebrows at him. He quickly starts to talk again.

          "It's never just one person that ruins a relationship. After taking a long and hard time to be honest with myself, I'm seeing that I didn't treat you that right either, ol' boy. I needed you to know I feel remorse for that now. So, I'm sorry for hurting you. For what it's worth, I don't think you deserve it either."

            _Do not speak as loud as my heart._

          You take a deep breath and run your fingers through your hair. You shoot back with, "Do you still love me?"

          Recognition sparks in his bright eyes and a smile hides on his lips. He puts his hands in his pockets. "The difference between me and you, Strider, is that I'm not afraid to answer that question. Yes. I have to say that I do still love you. Even if you are a bit of a wank."

           _Tell me you love me,_

         "How about it with you, then?" He speaks before you have a chance to think of a reply. "Do you still love me back? Or have I made the wrong timing? I know I tend to do that."

           _Come back and haunt me,_

          A smile ghost over your lips, "Is still that big of a question?"

          _Oh, and I rush to the start._

         "Perhaps it wouldn't be if you just bloody answered."

        _Running in circles,_

          You press your lips together and pop them. "What do you think, Jake English?"

          _Chasing our tails,_

         "I think this is the reason why I called you a wank." You love the playfulness in his voice. You love the smile on his face. You like the dancing in his eyes. You love that he's been stepping closer to you with every reply. You love that you're allowed to raise your hands and gently cup his face. You love that he smells like boy and sweat as you lean close. You love...

         _Coming back as we are._

         "I love you," You whisper on his lips. You two stay frozen like that. It's been so long since you've even touched each other, you aren't sure if you still know how. All you can focus on is his breath mixing with yours as you hesitate to move any further. What if you mess up again? What if this is just a repeat of the past? You can't even begin to express how badly you've wanted this for so long. You're practically shaking. With fear, or excitement, you aren't sure.

          "Are you sure this is okay, love?" Jake whispers to you and you melt further into him, your bodies are touching now. He a your face too, his knuckles brushing over your cheeks as he looks for approval. You close your eyes for a moment, biting down on your lip and you truly consider if you are or not. You don't want to hurt again. You were just starting to be able to live without Jake. You don't want to have to go through that pain again. You don't think you'll make it a second time around.

           _Nobody said it was easy._

         "Jake," you wheeze, your insecurities starting to weight you down. Your legs feel weak and you don't think you can breathe anymore. You press your foreheads together, longing for a different kind of closeness with him. You study his face closely. As it turns out, you're shaking is fear. "I don't want you to leave me again."

          Jake's eyes get glossy and he looks as in pain as you feel. "Oh, Dirk," he sighs, his eyebrow kitting together. He cups your face, his thumbs stroking your cheek bones soothingly. "I won't. I won't leave you." A sob escapes your throat, raw and broken. "I promise, love. I won't leave you again. I couldn't if I tried. I promise I'm never leaving you. I love you, Dirk. I'm not going anywhere. Please believe me."

           _Oh, it's such a shame for us to part._

         You calm down after a while. You aren't sure how much time passed while you rested in Jake's embrace. You stopped caring the minute you felt his skin on your finger tips. At some point during your meltdown, you started to kiss him. Again, you aren't sure how the transition happened but you don't care. You're too busy tasting salt on his lips and focusing on not having another break down. It would be for different reasons. More out of the happiness and disbelief that Jake's arms around around your neck and your hands are gripping his gorgeous hips.

          _And you can't get enough of it all._

          The feeling of Jake make you drunk. How he runs his fingers through your hair and tries to tug you closer every time you accidentally graze your teeth against his lips. You can't get over how you can feel the curves of his body against yours. It only makes you want more. You want to feel those curves with your hands and mouth. You want to praise him until he's saying your name like it's a broken record. You love him so much and all you want to do is show him that. You want to make him feel good in more than one way.

           _Nobody said it was easy._

         Jake, panting, pulls from you. His lips are slightly more plump than when he first arrived and you can still feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest. It pounds against yours. You swear you're too excited but you don't care. You just want to feel his lips again. You want to soak in more of Jake until you pass out from oxygen deprivation (that's not creepy). But Jake pulls back further. He untangles his arms and you, through lustful haze, get the hint enough to start pulling your hands back from his body. You wonder if you've overwhelmed him. Or maybe he realized this was a mistake. Maybe he's coming to his senses that you're still head over heels him and desperate to be with him- close to him. Oh, God. Oh, God. He's going to leave you, isn't he?

           _No one ever said it would be so hard._

          But Jake grabs your wrists before they could make their full escape. Jake chewed on his bottom lip for a moment and you're left confused. His mixed messages were messing with your head. That, or you're just too disgustingly insecure to get the right message.

          "Why don't we go relax on a bed? My feet are getting a bit sore from... being on them like I have." That's a bullshit excuse. He's inviting you to bed.  From his body language, you're fairly sure the darkness in his eyes and the anxiety happening in his pants meant you'll be doing a lot more than said "relaxing".

          "You don't think that's too fast?" You rasp, not sure where your voice has gone, leaving nothing but a scared, virgin man.

          Jake smiles and shakes his head, "No. I'm ready. I want this to tie our knot. I keep my promises, Strider."

          Did he just propose to you? You haven't the slightest clue if he actually knew what he was talking about. You don't look further into it though before you've already nodded in agreement and let him pull you back to your bedroom.

           _I'm going back to the start._

          In the dark, he takes off your shirt first. You follow suit quickly after he helps you become aware that neither of you actually know what you're doing.

          _A-ooh._

        You lay him down on your bed slowly, kissing him gently and deeply because you want him to know that you want to take your time with this. It's one of the most important moments of your life

.         _A-ooh._

          He seems to silently agree with you and for a while, there was just kissing and touching. You took your time to memorize your lover's body at your finger tips. You claim his body with your mouth and tongue. The noises that come from him are unbelievably amazing.

        _A-ooh._

          You tell him you love him repeatedly and he responds just as enthusiastically. You can't think of a more perfect night of your life.

           _A-ooh._

          You get married three years later. Jake, bless him, happily takes your last name.


End file.
